I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Everything about him screamed your future.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
