please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
