can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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