I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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