Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
