Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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