peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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