Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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