i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
