I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
