come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
