I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
