I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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