Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
