When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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