ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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