we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
