lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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