ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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