I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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