Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
