some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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