I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
