just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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