Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
