The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
