im having a threesome with these popsicles
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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