i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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