New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
MIDGETS
????
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
