What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
