From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
