Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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