sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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