Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
