I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
