I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
