Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
