Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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