I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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