I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
