My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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