he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
