bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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