why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
