thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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