Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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