sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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