Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
