so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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