you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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