Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
