i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
