i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hippo gnu deer
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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