I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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