It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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