cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
