know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
