she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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