TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
