Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
