im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
