Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
