you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize