Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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