i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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