R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
