Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
