You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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