A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize