I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
These tits shall not be calmed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
