Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
