my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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