Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
