woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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