It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
where are my eyebrows?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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