she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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