She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
A bitchslap is in order.
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