i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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