I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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