The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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