I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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