goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
