The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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