Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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