you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
