I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
