The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sober January is a disaster.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize