She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
