Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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