It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize