No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
