you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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