i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
