My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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