I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
