I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
