Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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