Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
