Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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