help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
