so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
