Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That's intense
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
