I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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