two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
