She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
